Daily Wit and Wisdom

[kcshocker11]

I really believe that everyone has a talent, ability, or skill that he can mine to support himself and to succeed in life.
Dean Koontz

8)

[Ixiah]

"A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have."

- Gerald Ford

[kcshocker11]

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
George Burns

8)

[SB Shock]

“Now, I’ve heard the impact of these releases on our foreign policy described as a meltdown, as a game-changer, and so on. I think those descriptions are fairly significantly overwrought. The fact is, governments deal with the United States because it’s in their interest, not because they like us, not because they trust us, and not because they believe we can keep secrets. Many governments — some governments — deal with us because they fear us, some because they respect us, most because they need us. We are still essentially, as has been said before, the indispensable nation.”

“Is this embarrassing? Yes. Is it awkward? Yes. Consequences for U.S. foreign policy? I think fairly modest.” - Secretary of Defense Gates

[SubGod22]

"Be not intimidated... nor suffer yourselves to be wheedled out of your liberties by any pretense of politeness, delicacy, or decency. These, as they are often used, are but three different names for hypocrisy, chicanery and cowardice."

- John Adams

[kcshocker11]

It is easier to criticize than to correct our past errors.
Titus Livius

8)

[kcshocker11]

I was told to challenge every spiritual teacher, every world leader to utter the one sentence that no religion, no political party, and no nation on the face of the earth will dare utter: 'Ours is not a better way, ours is merely another way.
Neale Donald Walsch

8)

[SubGod22]

"The independence of judges once destroyed, the Constitution is gone; it is a dead letter."

- Alexander Hamilton

[kcshocker11]

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Mark Twain

8)

[SB Shock]

“Politics: “Poli” a Latin word meaning “many”; and "tics" meaning “bloodsucking creatures”.” -- Robin Williams

[Ixiah]

"The chief cause of problems is solutions."

- Eric Serareid (journalist)

[Shirley Schmidt]

Older” sounds better than “old,” doesn’t it? Sounds like it might even last a little longer. … I’m getting old. And it’s OK. Because thanks to our fear of death in this country I won’t have to die I’ll ‘pass away.’ Or I’ll ‘expire,’ like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital they’ll call it a ‘terminal episode.’ The insurance company will refer to it as ‘negative patient care outcome.’ And if it’s the result of malpractice they’ll say it was a ‘therapeutic misadventure.’”

George Carlin

[Shirley Schmidt]

“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.”

George Carlin

[Shirley Schmidt]

“Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.“

George Carlin

[Shirley Schmidt]

THE TWO COMMANDMENTS

by George Carlin

This is from George Carlin's book "When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?" Hyperion, 2004 , which contains several critical articles on religion and on other issues, and which is recommended for your reading pleasure.
To add to this discussion (or any other,) please use the Contact form. This discussion has been continued.

I have a problem with the Ten Commandments. Here it is: Why are there ten! We don't need that many. I think the list of commandments was deliberately and artificially inflated to get it up to ten. It's clearly a padded list.

Here's how it happened: About five thousand years ago, a bunch of religious and political hustlers got together to figure out how they could control people and keep them in line. They knew people were basically stupid and would believe anything they were told, so these guys announced that God - God personally-had given one of them a list of ten commandments that he wanted everyone to follow. They claimed the whole thing took place on a mountaintop, when no one else was around.

But let me ask you something: When these guys were sittin' around the tent makin' all this up, why did they pick ten? Why ten? Why not nine, or eleven? I'll tell you why. Because ten sounds important. Ten sounds official. They knew if they tried eleven, people wouldn't take them seriously. People would say, "What're you kiddin' me? The Eleven Commandments? Get the **** outta here!"

But ten! Ten sounds important. Ten is the basis for the decimal system; it's a decade. It's a psychologically satisfying number: the top ten; the ten most wanted; the ten best-dressed. So deciding on ten commandments was clearly a marketing decision. And it's obviously a bullshit list. In truth, it's a political document, artificially inflated to sell better.

I'm going to show you how you can reduce the number of commandments and come up with a list that's a bit more logical and realistic. We'll start with the first three, and I'll use the Roman Catholic version because those are the ones I was fed as a little boy.

I AM THE LORD THY GOD, THOU SHALT NOT HAVE STRANGE GODS BEFORE ME.
THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY GOD IN VAIN.
THOU SHALT KEEP HOLY THE SABBATH.
Okay, right off the bat, the first three commandments - pure bullshit. "Sabbath day," "Lord's name," "strange gods." Spooky language. Spooky language designed to scare and control primitive people. In no way does superstitious mumbo jumbo like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized humans in the twenty-first century. You throw out the first three commandments, and you're down to seven.

HONOR THY FATHER AND MOTHER.
This commandment is about obedience and respect for authority; in other words it's simply a device for controlling people. The truth is, obedience and respect should not be granted automatically. They should be earned. They should be based on the parents' (or the authority figure's) performance. Some parents deserve respect. Most of them don't. Period. We're down to six.

Now, in the interest of logic - something religion has a really hard time with - I'm going to skip around the list a little bit:

THOU SHALT NOT STEAL.
THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WTNESS.
Stealing and lying. Actually, when you think about it, these two commandments cover the same sort of behavior: dishonesty. Stealing and lying. So we don't need two of them. Instead, we combine these two and call it "Thou shalt not be dishonest." Suddenly we're down to five.

And as long as we're combining commandments I have two others that belong together:

THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY.
THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE.
Once again, these two prohibit the same sort of behavior; in this case, marital infidelity. The difference between them is that coveting takes place in the mind. And I don't think you should outlaw fantasizing about someone else's wife, otherwise what's a guy gonna think about when he's flogging his dong?

But marital fidelity is a good idea, so I suggest we keep the idea and call this commandment "Thou shalt not be unfaithful." Suddenly we're down to four. And when you think about it further, honesty and fidelity are actually parts of the same overall value. So, in truth, we could combine the two honesty commandments with the two fidelity commandments, and, using positive language instead of negative, call the whole thing "Thou shalt always be honest and faithful." And now we're down to three.

THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOR'S GOODS.
This one is just plain stupid. Coveting your neighbor's goods is what keeps the economy going: Your neighbor gets a vibrator that plays “0 Come All Ye Faithful,” you want to get one, too. Coveting creates jobs. Leave it alone.

You throw out coveting and you're down to two now: the big, combined honesty/fidelity commandment, and the one we haven't mentioned yet:

THOU SHALT NOT KILL.
Murder. The Fifth Commandment. But, if you give it a little thought, you realize that religion has never really had a problem with murder. Not really. More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.

To cite a few examples, just think about Irish history, the Middle East, the Crusades, the Inquisition, our own abortion-doctor killings and, yes, the World Trade Center to see how seriously religious people take Thou Shalt Not Kill. Apparently, to religious folks - especially the truly devout-murder is negotiable. It just depends on who's doing the killing and who's getting killed.

And so, with all of this in mind, folks, I offer you my revised list of the Two Commandments:


First:

THOU SHALT ALWAYS BE HONEST AND FAITHFUL, ESPECIALLY TO THE PROVIDER OF THY NOOKIE.
And second:

THOU SHALT TRY REAL HARD NOT TO KILL ANYONE, UNLESS, OF COURSE, THEY PRAY TO A DIFFERENT INVISIBLE AVENGER THAN THE ONE YOU PRAY TO.
Two is all you need, folks. Moses could have carried them down the hill in his pocket. And if we had a list like that, I wouldn't mind that brilliant judge in Alabama displaying it prominently in his courthouse lobby. As long he included one additional commandment:

THOU SHALT KEEP THY RELIGION TO THYSELF!!!