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Originally posted by shock
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.Originally posted by RoyalShock View Post
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. -Isaac Asimov
Originally posted by C0|dB|00ded
Who else posts fake **** all day in order to maintain the acrimony? Wingnuts, that's who.Comment
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Good point...
"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they decided to drive 30 miles each and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.
The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, (which was the only vehicle he had) and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, How will I know if they are pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass tomorrow morning, they're pregnant. If they're lying in the mud, they're not.”
The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week and both farmers were worn out.
The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."
"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon.............. And one of them is honking the horn."Comment
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The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed.
Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man.
The husband put a gun to the naked man’s head. The wife shouted: “Don’t do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!”
Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, “what would you do?”
The cabby said, “I’d cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold.”"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying by hand the old canons and laws of the church.
He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.
So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up!
In fact, that error would be continued in all of
the subsequent copies.
The head monk, says, "We have been copying
from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."
He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives,
in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.
Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot
So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him
He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.
"We missed the R!
We missed the R!
We missed the bloody R!"
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.
The young monk asks the old Abbot, "What's wrong, father?"
With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies,
"The word was ....
CELEBRATE!”Comment
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"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart, you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."Comment
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A GOOD LESSON IN THE USE OF PREPOSITIONS.....
On his 74th birthday, a man got a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a
nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for
erectile dysfunction.
After being persuaded, he drove to the reservation, handed his
ticket to the medicine man and wondered what he was in for.
The old man slowly, methodically produced a potion, handed it to
him, and with a grip on his shoulder, warned, "This is powerful
medicine and it must be respected. You take only a teaspoonful and
then say '1-2-3'. When you do that, you will become more manly than
you have ever been in your life and you can perform as long as you
want."
The man was encouraged. As he walks away, he turned and asked, "How
do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say
'1-2-3-4,' he responded. "But when she does, the medicine will not
work again until the next full moon.".
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered,
shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife
to join him in the bedroom. When she came in, He took of his clothes
and said, "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.
His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes. And then
she asked, "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys and girls, is why we should never end our sentences
with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle."You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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