Humor

[WstateU]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, “but in just a few years my father will die, and I will inherit $200 million.”
Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men!!!

[im4wsu]

[WstateU]

Two guys grow up together but after college one moves to Michigan, the other to Florida. They agree to meet every ten years in Vero Beach to play golf.

At age 30, they finish their round of golf and go to lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Well, you know, they got the broads, with the big racks, and the tight shorts, and the legs ...."

"OK."

Ten years later at age 40 they meet and play again.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters

"Why?"

"Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games."

"OK."

Ten years later at age 50 they meet and play again."Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

" Why?"

"The food is pretty good and there is plenty of parking."

"OK."

At age 60 they meet and play again.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Wings are half price"

"OK"

At age 70 they meet and play again.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door."

"OK."

At age 80 they meet and play again.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"We've never been there before."

[WstateU]

Shortly after a British Airways flight had reached its cruising altitude, the captain announced: "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from London Heathrow to New York. The weather ahead is good, so we should have a smooth uneventful flight. So, sit back, relax, and . . . OH MY GOD!"

Silence followed.

Some moments later, the captain came back on the intercom. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm sorry if I scared you. While I was talking to you, a flight attendant accidentally spilled coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"

From the back of the plane, an Irish passenger yelled . . . "For the luvva Jaysus . . . you should see the back of mine!"

[ShockTalk]

Two guys grow up together but after college one moves to Michigan, the other to Florida. They agree to meet every ten years in Vero Beach to play golf.

At age 30, they finish their round of golf and go to lunch.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Well, you know, they got the broads, with the big racks, and the tight shorts, and the legs ...."

"OK."

Ten years later at age 40 they meet and play again.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters

"Why?"

"Well, you know, they got cold beer and the big screen TVs and everybody has a little action on the games."

"OK."

Ten years later at age 50 they meet and play again."Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

" Why?"

"The food is pretty good and there is plenty of parking."

"OK."

At age 60 they meet and play again.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"Wings are half price"

"OK"

At age 70 they meet and play again.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"They have 6 handicapped spaces right by the door."

"OK."

At age 80 they meet and play again.

"Where you wanna go?"

"Hooters."

"Why?"

"We've never been there before."

NOT FUNNY! :mad:

But now that I know they have 1/2 price wings, you got my interest up. :good:

[pinstripers]

1. The word coming out of Hollywood is that there will be a remake of the movie, "Analyze This." This picture, instead of starring Robert De Niro and Billy Crystal, will star Kevin Spacey and Macaulay Culkin and the first word of the title will be hyphenated.

[WstateU]

A circus owner runs an ad for 'lion tamer wanted' and two people showed up.



One is a retired golfer in his late-sixties and the other is a drop-dead, gorgeous



brunette with a killer body in her mid-twenties.



The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it.



This is one ferocious lion.He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history.



Here's your equipment- a chair, a whip and a gun.



Who wants to try out first?"



The gorgeous brunette says, "I'll go first."



She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the cage.



The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her.



As he gets close, the gorgeous brunette throws open her coat revealing her



beautiful, perfect naked body.



The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking



her feet and ankles.



He continues to lick and kiss every inch of her body for several minutes, then lays



down and rests his head at her feet.



The circus owner's jaw is on the floor! He says, "That's amazing!



I've never seen anything like that in my life!"



He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"



The old golfer replies,



"Possibly ... but you've got to get that lion out of there first."

[WstateU]

1. The word coming out of Hollywood is that there will be a remake of the movie, "Analyze This." This picture, instead of starring Robert De Niro and Billy Crystal, will star Kevin Spacey and Macaulay Culkin and the first word of the title will be hyphenated.

[WstateU]

Test test test!!! Testing gifs...

Stumbled across this while googling "ladies and gentlemen, start your engines."

Just though you'd like to know the why.

[pinstripers]

More news on the Kevin Spacey front. He says that he is going to go away to seek "evaluation and treatment." He is even talking about leaving the entertainment business and joining the priesthood.

[WstateU]

More news on the Kevin Spacey front. He says that he is going to go away to seek "evaluation and treatment." He is even talking about leaving the entertainment business and joining the priesthood.

[pinstripers]

A trucker who has been out on the road for two months stops at a brothel outside Atlanta. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my prettiest ladies and a three-course meal." The trucker replies, "Listen darlin’, I’m not horny – I’m just homesick."

[pinstripers]

Listened to a Luke Bryan interview. He said that his favorite actor is Kevin Spacey and that he's known him since he was a little boy.

[WstateU]

Listened to a Luke Bryan interview. He said that his favorite actor is Kevin Spacey and that he's known him since he was a little boy.

[ShockerPhi]

Listened to a Luke Bryan interview. He said that his favorite actor is Kevin Spacey and that he's known him since he was a little boy.