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  • A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha!" he says, "I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume, "I'm the bus driver!"

    Comment


    • Originally posted by pinstripers View Post
      A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. "Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you." The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. "Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise. "Ha, ha!" he says, "I'm the man from the bus!" "Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume, "I'm the bus driver!"
      "You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"

      Comment


      • The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. “Of course, my son,” said the priest.

        “Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.”

        “That’s a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess,” said the priest.

        “It’s worse than that, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors,” continued the old man.

        “Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk -you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly,” said the priest.

        “Thanks, Father,” said the old man.

        “That’s a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?”

        “Of course, my son,” said the priest.

        The old man asked, “Do I need to tell her that the war is over?”




        Comment


        • A man came home, screeching his car into the driveway, and ran into the house. He slammed the door and shouted at the top of his lungs, 'Lorraine, pack your bags. I won the lottery! I won the lottery!"

          The wife said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?'

          'Doesn't matter,' he said. 'Just get out.'

          Comment


          • Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something."

            The sisters all took a seat.

            "We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent, she continued.
            "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back.
            "I'm so tired of chardonnay."


            Comment


            • On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

              When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

              Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

              "Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was on Sunday morning when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply back and forth on the Ding and the Dong."

              She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

              Comment


              • extraction.jpg
                "I not sure that I've ever been around a more competitive player or young man than Fred VanVleet. I like to win more than 99.9% of the people in this world, but he may top me." -- Gregg Marshall 12/23/13
                ---------------------------------------
                Remember when Nancy Pelosi said about Obamacare:
                "We have to pass it, to find out what's in it".

                A physician called into a radio show and said:
                "That's the definition of a stool sample."

                Comment


                • I don't need sex, the government f u c k s me everyday.

                  "Remember Nookie Green"

                  Stop the talk about bringing back Shocker football and concentrate on bringing back Shocker baseball!

                  Comment


                  • damn
                    Last edited by pinstripers; February 14th, 2018, 03:41 PM. Reason: I dunno

                    Comment


                    • The most intelligent physicist Albert Einstein dies and goes to the heaven.

                      There’s a decent sized line to get in, so he starts talking to this group of 3 new Netherlanders in line in front of him. He asks them what their IQ scores are.

                      The first Netherlander says “130” and Einstein replies, “Cool ! For the rest of eternity we can talk about Netherland’s stance on global politics and nuclear proliferation.”

                      The second Netherlander proudly states, “190.” Einstein says, “Thats awesome ! For the rest of eternity we can talk about quantum physics and my theory of relativity.”

                      The third Netherlander mumbles, “My score is just 60.”
                      Einstein stops and thinks.. and then asks..
                      “So, you think Hillary will run again?”

                      Comment


                      • texaspalms.png
                        "I not sure that I've ever been around a more competitive player or young man than Fred VanVleet. I like to win more than 99.9% of the people in this world, but he may top me." -- Gregg Marshall 12/23/13
                        ---------------------------------------
                        Remember when Nancy Pelosi said about Obamacare:
                        "We have to pass it, to find out what's in it".

                        A physician called into a radio show and said:
                        "That's the definition of a stool sample."

                        Comment


                        • https://www.midmajormadness.com/2018...e-steve-forbes
                          The cleverest of all, in my opinion, is the man who calls himself a fool at least once a month.
                          FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY

                          Comment



                          • A Golfer's Dream

                            A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedre , Florida , exactly the way the pros do it.

                            The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land.

                            It was something the golfer had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball had always fallen short, into the water.

                            Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole.

                            He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other "average" golfers when negotiating very challenging holes.

                            Recently he went to Sawgrass to try again.

                            When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old, cut ball as usual, and said a silent prayer. However, before he could hit the ball, a powerful voice from above seemed to be booming out from the clouds, saying,

                            "Wait! Replace that old ball with a brand new one, a Titleist ProV1 if you have it."

                            The golfer complied, with some slight misgivings, despite the fact that this same force seemed to be implying that he was going to finally achieve his lifelong ambition.

                            As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again, "Wait. Step back. Take a practice swing"

                            So he stepped back and took a practice swing, certain now that this heavenly force was going to make his dream come true.

                            The voice boomed out again, "Take another practice swing."

                            Dutifully, he did. He stopped expectantly and waited; a long silence followed.

                            Then, the voice again, "Use the old ball."
                            "I not sure that I've ever been around a more competitive player or young man than Fred VanVleet. I like to win more than 99.9% of the people in this world, but he may top me." -- Gregg Marshall 12/23/13
                            ---------------------------------------
                            Remember when Nancy Pelosi said about Obamacare:
                            "We have to pass it, to find out what's in it".

                            A physician called into a radio show and said:
                            "That's the definition of a stool sample."

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by im4wsu View Post
                              A Golfer's Dream

                              A golfer, now into his golden years, had a lifelong ambition to play the 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedre , Florida , exactly the way the pros do it.

                              The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land.

                              It was something the golfer had tried hundreds of times without success. His ball had always fallen short, into the water.

                              Because of this, he never used a new ball on this particular hole.

                              He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other "average" golfers when negotiating very challenging holes.

                              Recently he went to Sawgrass to try again.

                              When he came to the fateful hole, he teed up an old, cut ball as usual, and said a silent prayer. However, before he could hit the ball, a powerful voice from above seemed to be booming out from the clouds, saying,

                              "Wait! Replace that old ball with a brand new one, a Titleist ProV1 if you have it."

                              The golfer complied, with some slight misgivings, despite the fact that this same force seemed to be implying that he was going to finally achieve his lifelong ambition.

                              As he stepped up to the tee once more, the voice came down again, "Wait. Step back. Take a practice swing"

                              So he stepped back and took a practice swing, certain now that this heavenly force was going to make his dream come true.

                              The voice boomed out again, "Take another practice swing."

                              Dutifully, he did. He stopped expectantly and waited; a long silence followed.

                              Then, the voice again, "Use the old ball."
                              So, did Pogo hit it in the water?

                              Comment


                              • Nope. I used an old Callaway I got from a weekend hack named Shoxaac. Teed it up and took out my sand wedge since there was an ever so slight breeze into me. Nice and easy back swing, hips turning just slightly and then the swing and perfect follow through. The white ball cut the crystal blue sky like a bolt from the hand of Zeus. It landed 137 yards from its point of impact with a nearly imperceptible bounce and roll towards the cup and stopped three inches short of it and the flag. From there I was able to three putt for a bogey.

                                Comment


                                • Kung Wu
                                  Kung Wu commented
                                  Editing a comment
                                  Wow, you must have really been practicing your putting lately if you only bogied in that situation!

                                • pogo
                                  pogo commented
                                  Editing a comment
                                  At least you didn't leave it short of the hole. you don't make most of em you leave short. Speaking of short how have you been KW?

                                • Kung Wu
                                  Kung Wu commented
                                  Editing a comment
                                  Ahahaha, you never disappoint pogo!
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