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  • An Englishman goes to Australia with his wife, they stay in a 5 star hotel and hire a Limo for the day. While driving along the road, they see a man rogering a kangaroo. His wife says, "Look! What is that man doing with that kangaroo?"
    The man says, "My God! Don't look, it's disgusting!"
    Further down the road the wife says, "Look, another one!" and husband says, "Disgusting! I shall report this when we get back to the hotel."
    ... They arrive back at the hotel only to find a man with one wooden leg having a wank on the steps of the hotel. The husband charges in and says, "Look we come here in good faith, to stay in your 5 star hotel and what happens? We are driving down the road and we come across a drover in copulation with a kangaroo. Further on, recurrence of the same thing, balls deep in the poor thing. Then we get back here only to find a man with one leg, one wooden leg, masturbating on your steps. Well, what do you have to say about that!?"
    The manager says, "'Struth mate, you expect a man with one wooden leg to catch his own kangaroo?"


    • RIP Tim...

      Couple of the funniest skits I've seen... those were the days my friends.

      No Frills Airline

      Speedo Airlines

      "You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"


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      • A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “Your Mom’s playing on the roof.”


        • Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

          When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

          Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
          "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
          She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along,"


          • A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a donkey asking for a whore because his wife left him. The madam says "Whatever for? And what's with the honeycomb and the donkey?" Showing the madam the honeycomb the dwarf says, "My wife found a gene in a bottle and he granted her three wishes, for her first wish she asked for a house fit for a queen, so he gave her this damn honeycomb." Pointing to the donkey, the dwarf says, "The second wish was that she have the nicest ass in the land, so he gave her this damn donkey". Intrigued the madam asked about the third wish. The dwarf responded "Well she asked that my cock hang down to my knees." To which the madam responded, "That doesn't sound too bad." The dwarf exclaimed "Not so bad?!? I used to be six foot three"