Humor

[pinstripers]

An Englishman goes to Australia with his wife, they stay in a 5 star hotel and hire a Limo for the day. While driving along the road, they see a man rogering a kangaroo. His wife says, "Look! What is that man doing with that kangaroo?"
The man says, "My God! Don't look, it's disgusting!"
Further down the road the wife says, "Look, another one!" and husband says, "Disgusting! I shall report this when we get back to the hotel."
... They arrive back at the hotel only to find a man with one wooden leg having a wank on the steps of the hotel. The husband charges in and says, "Look we come here in good faith, to stay in your 5 star hotel and what happens? We are driving down the road and we come across a drover in copulation with a kangaroo. Further on, recurrence of the same thing, balls deep in the poor thing. Then we get back here only to find a man with one leg, one wooden leg, masturbating on your steps. Well, what do you have to say about that!?"
The manager says, "'Struth mate, you expect a man with one wooden leg to catch his own kangaroo?"

[WstateU]

RIP Tim...

https://www.msn.com/en-us/tv/celebri...cid=spartanntp

Couple of the funniest skits I've seen... those were the days my friends.

No Frills Airline

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x4c9wgb

Speedo Airlines

[pinstripers]

[WstateU]

https://media.giphy.com/media/NITFX5emjpMQ0/giphy.gif

[pinstripers]

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “Your Mom’s playing on the roof.”

[pinstripers]

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along,"

[jdmee]

A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a donkey asking for a whore because his wife left him. The madam says "Whatever for? And what's with the honeycomb and the donkey?" Showing the madam the honeycomb the dwarf says, "My wife found a gene in a bottle and he granted her three wishes, for her first wish she asked for a house fit for a queen, so he gave her this damn honeycomb." Pointing to the donkey, the dwarf says, "The second wish was that she have the nicest ass in the land, so he gave her this damn donkey". Intrigued the madam asked about the third wish. The dwarf responded "Well she asked that my cock hang down to my knees." To which the madam responded, "That doesn't sound too bad." The dwarf exclaimed "Not so bad?!? I used to be six foot three"

[WstateU]

https://media.giphy.com/media/l2YWim...nLFu/giphy.gif

[WstateU]

https://twitter.com/starting9/status/1133532951302553600?s=21

[WichitaStateGuy]

Why do women only travel in odd numbered groups?

Because they can’t even.

[pinstripers]

Bob works hard and spends most evenings

bowling

or playing basketball at the gym. His

wife

thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?" His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?" "She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A

stripper

then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob and starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobbie. Want your usual table dance, big boy?" Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real

*****

this time."

[WichitaStateGuy]

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

...a lickalotapus.

[pinstripers]

One day, there was a catastrophic event that caused all humans on Earth to die. To sort things out, everyone went to Heaven. God came in and said,
"I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men who ruled their women on Earth and the other line for the men who were ruled by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that, the next time God looked, the women were gone and there were two lines.
The line of men who were ruled by their women was 1...000 miles long, and in the line of men who ruled their women, there was only one man.
God became angry and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him!
Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

[WichitaStateGuy]

LOL loved this

[WichitaStateGuy]

My wife looked at me last night and asked, “Are you even listening to me?”

I thought that was an odd way to start a conversation...

[WstateU]

An 8 year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take your kid to work Day'.

As they walked round the office she started crying and getting cranky.

Her father asked what was wrong.

As the staff gathered round she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?"

[pinstripers]

A Texan is in a Kansas bar and is telling a wheat farmer how large his ranch in Texas is. He tells the farmer his ranch is so large that if he gets into his pick-up truck and drives all day, he would not reach the other border of his ranch.

The wheat farmer thinks for a minute and then responds," I used to have a truck like that."

[pinstripers]

An old hooker in a taxi but hasn't got enough money for the fare...
So she lifts her skirt and says "Can I pay you with this?"
Taxi driver says "Have You got anything smaller........"