Humor

[pinstripers]

Sad, sad, news from Hutchinson this mornin.

My wife's second cousin, Elvis Jones, made his livin as a photographer.

In a freak accident last night, he was killed when a huge, huge, lump of cheddar landed on top of him.

To be fair though, the people who were being photographed did try to warn him

[pinstripers]

There was a man with gangrene in his leg…
He went to the hospital to have the leg chopped off as the doctors have recommended.
After the operation, he came back to being conscious, he sees the doctor looking worried.
He asked, “What’s the matter doctor?”
The doctor replied, “I have a good news and a bad news”
He said, “What’s the bad news?”
The doctor said, “I chopped of the wrong leg.”
He replied (in shock), “ What’s the good news then?
The doctor said, “Your other leg is getting better.”

[pinstripers]

A woman went to the pharmacy.

She walked up to the counter and asked, “Can I get Viagra here?”

The old pharmacist replied, “Yes.”

She asked, “Can I get it over the counter?”

He responded, “maybe if I take two of them.”

[WstateU]

https://www.instagram.com/p/CNRh5LfLQD6/?igshid=lxxe4dnf4owx

[pinstripers]

Bernie Sanders invites Joe Biden to his house.

Biden is in awe that the Bernie’s house is a big and luxurious mansion, so he ask him how did he manage to own such an estate with a public servant’s salary.

Sanders takes him to the balcony, and points to a half built bridge.
“See that bridge? I used half of it’s budget to build my mansion.”

6 month later, the Biden invites Bernie official to his house.

This time, Bernie is shocked by Biden’s incredibly luxurious, huge and beautiful mansion, many times more expensive than his own.

So he asks Joe how did he manage to get it built with a public servant’s salary.

Biden brings him to the balcony and points out:
“Do you see that children's hospital there?”

“What hospital?”

[WstateU]

[MikeKennedyRulZ]

CRAZY! "I'm gonna shoot that f*cker!

[pinstripers]

Louise got her blouse dirty and had to take it to the dry cleaners.

She walks in and says, "Good morning!" to the old proprietor of the establishment.

The old man was hard of hearing and says, "what?"

Louise replies, louder, "I said GOOD MORNING!"

The dry cleaner answers, "Oh, good morning. Whatcha need?"

Louise responds, "I need to get this cleaned" to the man behind the counter.

The old man replies "come again?"

Louise responds "No, .....mustard this time".

[pinstripers]

A woman goes to a tattoo parlor and asks the tattoo artist to do a tattoo of Elvis’s face on her left inner thigh. So the guy does it.

She gets up to look at it and screams “that's awful! That doesn’t look anything like Elvis!”

The guy says, " I think your wrong, but to make you feel better I’ll do one on the other side at no charge."

She agrees and once again she is fuming! “That doesn’t look like elvis either! I am so angry I could kill you!”

The artist says “come on, they both look exactly like Elvis.” To prove it he calls one of his regulars over for his opinion.

The guy looks her over and says “I’m not too sure about the two on either side but that one in the middle is the spit’n image of Willie Nelson.”

[WstateU]

A woman goes to a tattoo parlor and asks the tattoo artist to do a tattoo of Elvis’s face on her left inner thigh. So the guy does it.

She gets up to look at it and screams “that's awful! That doesn’t look anything like Elvis!”

The guy says, " I think your wrong, but to make you feel better I’ll do one on the other side at no charge."

She agrees and once again she is fuming! “That doesn’t look like elvis either! I am so angry I could kill you!”

The artist says “come on, they both look exactly like Elvis.” To prove it he calls one of his regulars over for his opinion.

The guy looks her over and says “I’m not too sure about the two on either side but that one in the middle is the spit’n image of Willie Nelson.”

[WstateU]

"My 21-22" wish list... oops, sorry, wrong thread...

[SHOXAAC]

"My 21-22" wish list... oops, sorry, wrong thread...

Now that's a shot maker!!!

[pogo]

Now that's a shot maker!!!

So can she play on our next foursome tournament.

[SHOXAAC]

So can she play on our next foursome tournament.

It may come down to you or...well we know how that book ends.

[jdmee]