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"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People" -
"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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A young man goes into the Job Center in Wichita and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist’s Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more.
“Can you give me some more details?” he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, “The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, so that they’re ready for the gynecologist’s examination.
There’s an annual salary of $85,000, but you’re going to have to go to Enid, Oklahoma.”
“Good grief, is that where the job is?”
“No sir…………..that’s where the end of the line is right now…”Comment
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Originally posted by pinstripers View Post
"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words: there is a big distinction between Guts and Balls. We’ve all heard about people having Guts or Balls to do something, but do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS – Arriving home late, after a night out with the boys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”
BALLS – Coming home late after a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bottom and having the balls to say: “You’re next, chubby.”
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome. Both will result in sure death.
"I not sure that I've ever been around a more competitive player or young man than Fred VanVleet. I like to win more than 99.9% of the people in this world, but he may top me." -- Gregg Marshall 12/23/13 :peaceful:
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Remember when Nancy Pelosi said about Obamacare:
"We have to pass it, to find out what's in it".
A physician called into a radio show and said:
"That's the definition of a stool sample."Comment
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There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.Comment
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RESPONSE TO ALL THE RECENT E-MAILS ABOUT OUR DOG
I AM SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT HIM, SO HERE ARE ALL OF THE ANSWERS IN ONE RECAP:
YES, HE BIT 6 PEOPLE WEARING BIDEN T-SHIRTS...
4 PEOPLE WEARING HILLARY T-SHIRTS...
2 CAR DRIVERS WITH BERNIE SANDERS BUMPER STICKERS..
9 TEENAGERS WITH PANTS HANGING PAST THEIR BUTT CRACK.
AND 2 FLAG BURNERS.
SO FOR THE LAST TIME...
THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE!
AND NO, I DO NOT APPROVE OF HIS SMOKING, BUT HE SAYS IT HELPS GET THE "BAD TASTE" OUT OF HIS MOUTH.
"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.Comment
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That is impressive if we roll back our clocks an hour..Comment
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Headline of the day!
'BEAT IT': The New Yorker fires Jeffrey Toobin
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I saw this cominOriginally posted by 1972Shocker View PostHeadline of the day!
'BEAT IT': The New Yorker fires Jeffrey Toobin
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The medics rushed Mr. Sol Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently due to a massive heart attack.
The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to the Intensive Care Unit, where therapy continues. After a couple of days, Mr. Steinberg’s physician comes into his room and says, “Sol, I’m happy to tell you that you are completely well. You have the heart function that you did when you were a fifteen-year-old lad. We’re going to send you home tomorrow. You don’t have to worry about your heart; do any physical exercise that you like.”
Mr. Steinberg goes home and that evening is talking with his wife. “Doris, you’ll never believe it! I’m completely well. I have no worries with my heart. Tonight, Darling, you and I are going to make love like you’ve never had before – wild, passionate sex! You’ll love it!”
Doris thinks for a minute and says, “I don’t know, Sol. I’ve heard about active sex and heart conditions. I don’t want it to be on my conscience if you die while we are making love. Maybe, just maybe, if your doctor wrote a note to me saying that everything was okay, maybe I would have such sex with you.”
Mr. Steinberg was dejected, but the next day he was in his doctor’s office.
His doctor tells him, “Sure, sure, Sol, no problem, I’ll write the note. Let’s see, here’s my prescription pad: ‘Mr. Sol Steinberg, a patient of mine, has the heart function of a fifteen-year-old lad, and can have mad, passionate, adventurous sex any time that he so desires, signed, Dr. Aaron Katz.’ Now, I’ll just address this. By the way, Sol, what’s your wife’s first name?”
Mr. Sol, after thinking a second “Uh, Doctor, could you just make that, ‘To Whom It May Concern’?”Comment
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A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
“I’m sorry, sir, but I am blind and can’t read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I’ll smell it and order from there.”
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man’s table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. “Ah, yes, that’s what I’ll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes.”
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner’s wife. He tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves. Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
“Sir, remember me? I’m the blind man.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you. I’ll go get you a dirty fork.”
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, “That smells great. I’ll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli.”
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he’s going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves. He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, “Louise, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man.”
Louise complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
“Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you.” The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn’t know that Louise worked here…”Comment
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The owner of a large manufacturing company has called a company meeting to discuss the future of the company following the recent presidential elections. He starts out the meeting by making the following announcements. "After the recent election the financial group has put together what the business climate will be in the near future . We anticipate higher corporate taxes in the near future and the only way we can meet those anticipated amounts is to raise the price of our products 10%. However this will not let us remain competitive in the market place so I have asked HR to give me the number of employees it would take to dismiss to cover our anticipated tax debt. They have come up with a total of 65 employees. Since I have always considered all of our employees as family and that decision was going to weigh heavily on me. However, as I was pondering what I should do I took a walk around the building and the parking lot. I noticed close to 65 VOTE BIDEN bumper stickers on employee vehicles. I have instructed HR to terminate those employees and I look forward to seeing the rest of you at the Company picnic next week end."Comment
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Kind of a funny story................or is it????
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