Humor

[pinstripers]

Sister Mary Lou was in a hurry on her way to her job at the local Catholic Charity Hospital when her car suddenly runs out of gas. Luckily, she was only a block and a half from a gas station, so she got out of her car and quickly walked there.

At the station, she asked the attendant to give her a quart of gasoline so that she could start her car and drive it over to fill it up. The attendant told her that he only had one gas can, and he just loaned it to someone else.

She told the attendant that she was in a hurry and would look in her car to find something to hold the gas. When she got back the the car, the only suitable container she found was a bedpan, which looked like it could easily hold a quart of gas.

She brought the bedpan to the station and the attendant filled it with gas. The nun got back to her car and started to pour the gas from the bedpan into her car.

Just as she started pouring, Billy Ray and Luther walked by. Billy Ray said to Luther "partner, if that son of a ***** starts, I'm turnin Catholic!"

[WstateU]

Sister Mary Lou was in a hurry on her way to her job at the local Catholic Charity Hospital when her car suddenly runs out of gas. Luckily, she was only a block and a half from a gas station, so she got out of her car and quickly walked there.

At the station, she asked the attendant to give her a quart of gasoline so that she could start her car and drive it over to fill it up. The attendant told her that he only had one gas can, and he just loaned it to someone else.

She told the attendant that she was in a hurry and would look in her car to find something to hold the gas. When she got back the the car, the only suitable container she found was a bedpan, which looked like it could easily hold a quart of gas.

She brought the bedpan to the station and the attendant filled it with gas. The nun got back to her car and started to pour the gas from the bedpan into her car.

Just as she started pouring, Billy Ray and Luther walked by. Billy Ray said to Luther "partner, if that son of a ***** starts, I'm turnin Catholic!"

[pinstripers]

"The only thing we don't have a cure for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that it's coming quickly."

-----Mel Brooks

[WstateU]

"The only thing we don't have a cure for is premature ejaculation... but I hear that it's coming quickly."

-----Mel Brooks

[pinstripers]

A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.

Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."

"I see," the captain says.

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry ."--

[WstateU]

A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn.

Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."

"I see," the captain says.

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry ."--

[pinstripers]

I hate that song. It is sung plumb to death at karaoke bars

[WstateU]

I hate that song. It is sung plumb to death at karaoke bars

I don't attend croake bars, but I'm sure it is... always enjoyed the song and dreamed about finding a 'Brandy'...

[pinstripers]

Like a lot of people, I really enjoy race-related humor. It's funny. I like funny. For example......what's white and 12 inches long? ..........answer........nothing!........

[WstateU]

Like a lot of people, I really enjoy race-related humor. It's funny. I like funny. For example......what's white and 12 inches long? ..........answer........nothing!........

[pinstripers]

The supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts. I intended to stock up. At the store, however, I was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry, so I complained to the butcher lady.

"Don't worry," she said, "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping."

Several aisles later, I heard the lady butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the gentleman who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."

[im4wsu]

PSYCHIATRIST VS. BARTENDER

Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at
So I went to a shrink and told him, "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it.
I'm scared and I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year", said the shrink. "Come in and talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears".
How much do you charge?" "Eighty dollars per visit", replied the doctor.
"I'll sleep on it", I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. "Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?", he asked.

"Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year is $12,480.00.

A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup truck."

"Is that so?" With a bit of an attitude, he said, "and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain't nobody under there now!"

FORGET THE SHRINKS, HAVE A DRINK AND TALK TO A BARTENDER!
ITS ALWAYS BETTER TO GET A SECOND OPINION!

[pinstripers]

An old farmer and his mostly deaf wife were speeding back to Garden City, Kansas from Salina, when a highway patrolman pulled them over.

The officer tells the old man that he was speeding.

The deaf old lady hollers, "What did he say?"

The farmer tells her, "he thinks we wuz speeding."

The old farmer explained to the highway patrolman he wanted to get back to Garden City before the sun went down.

The policeman chuckled and said, "I had the worst piece of ass in my life in Garden City.

The deaf old lady hollers, "What did he say?"

and the farmer tells her, "He says he thinks he knows ya!"

[WstateU]

An old farmer and his mostly deaf wife were speeding back to Garden City, Kansas from Salina, when a highway patrolman pulled them over.

The officer tells the old man that he was speeding.

The deaf old lady hollers, "What did he say?"

The farmer tells her, "he thinks we wuz speeding."

The old farmer explained to the highway patrolman he wanted to get back to Garden City before the sun went down.

The policeman chuckled and said, "I had the worst piece of ass in my life in Garden City.

The deaf old lady hollers, "What did he say?"

and the farmer tells her, "He says he thinks he knows ya!"

[JVShocker]

Good news for some, possibly, I'm happy. Just saw this announced:



Beavis and Butt-Head are 'entering a whole new Gen Z world' in an upcoming reboot
Heh heh. The 90s MTV and Gen X icons are headed back to television. Creator Mike Judge will oversee two new seasons, that feature "meta-themes relatable to both new and old fans —Gen X parents and their Gen Z kids.

https://twitter.com/i/events/1278362510844809216