Humor

[pinstripers]

A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.

The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.


Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?"


The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."


The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected.
With a tear in his eye he asks "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"


Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.


Then, finally, she says, "You."

[pinstripers]

My wife wanted me to buy her a Siamese cat for our anniversary, but my friend told me that they are really expensive...



So I bought two normal cats and glued their heads together...

[im4wsu]

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, he told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa.

The father asked, "Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know, Daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like
this: "God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

"Holy Moley, thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:
"God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy."

He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day had lunch and watched the clock He figured if he could get by until midnight, he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound

Finally, midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said, "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said, "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said, "You think you had a bad day; you'll never believe what happened to me this morning. My golf pro dropped dead in the middle of my lesson."

[pinstripers]

A nun decides before she dies she wants to have sex, so she asks a woman for advice, the woman tells her she wants to find a man that is well endowed.

The nun says how will I know if a man is well endowed just by looking at him?

The woman tells the nun you can tell by the shoe size.

Therefore the nun searches the city to find the man with the biggest shoes in town.

Once she finds him she tells him she wants to lose her virginity to him.

After they have sex the nun takes him home, reaches into her purse and gives the man $100.

The man says “wow I got to take your virginity and you will pay me the sex must’ve been amazing “

The nun tells the man “ No the money is for you to buy some smaller shoes.

[pinstripers]

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Democrat.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they were a Democrat too.

Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not an Democrat."

"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a proud Republican," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Republican.

"Well, my mom and dad are Republicans, so I'm a Republican too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an Democrat."

[WstateU]

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Democrat.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they were a Democrat too.

Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not an Democrat."

"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a proud Republican," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Republican.

"Well, my mom and dad are Republicans, so I'm a Republican too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an Democrat."

Oldie, but goodie... kinda reminds me of some of the good "Little Johnny" jokes...

[WstateU]

[pinstripers]

I asked my mailman his thoughts on mail-in ballots.

He thoughtfully said, “The tenets of social justice require robust equity in access and expression of a mosaic of political ideologies ensuring thriving inclusion of all.”

We embraced and wept.

Then he handed me my neighbor’s mail, and a Christmas card from my cousin Joey who died in 1998......

[WstateU]

[WstateU]

[MoValley John]

[wufan]

Just for fun...

[ShockTalk]

Just for fun...

Young punk tries to sneak one in while guy #1 wasn't looking. I wonder if the young punk even realized that guy #2 saved his bacon. Love the smile.

[WstateU]

[WstateU]

The "flop" shot perfected...

https://nypost.com/2020/08/26/video-...-like-its-hot/