Humor

[pogo]

Girls on trampolines was always a favorite of mine on The Man Show

[WstateU]

Self-Isolation

I'm not saying I'm bored of self isolation..... but did you know that if you rest one of your testicles on top of an empty beer bottle, and hold a flame at the base, eventually it gets sucked inside? If you've done this and know how to get it out, Email me back please.............. I’m asking on behalf of a close friend!!

[1972Shocker]

Self-Isolation

I'm not saying I'm bored of self isolation..... but did you know that if you rest one of your testicles on top of an empty beer bottle, and hold a flame at the base, eventually it gets sucked inside? If you've done this and know how to get it out, Email me back please.............. I’m asking on behalf of a close friend!!

Very cold water should do the trick:

Or so I've heard:

[WstateU]

A suspected Covid-19 male patient was lying in bed at the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appeared and gave him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse," he mumbled from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your feet." He struggles to ask again, "Nurse please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcame her embarrassment and pulled back the covers. She raised his gown, held his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other. She looked very closely and said, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine." The man slowly pulled off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and said very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very closely: "Are-my-test-results-back?"

[JVShocker]

I'm so happy with the PPP program right now, its time to start the humor thread train a rollin. (yeah, that's sarcasm)

You recall the first Star Wars movie where C3P0 argues that R2D2's move was "fair" Han Solo says basically...."never upset a Wookie because they rip people's arms off".

C3P0 says, I have a new strategy R2, "let the wookie win."

SO my attempt at humor is basically along those lines...."Just let the dog win one once in a while."

[pinstripers]

The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news."

"What's the bad news?" asks the accused.

"The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it."

"What's the good news?"

"Your cholesterol is only 130."

[RoyalShock]

[WstateU]

https://images.app.goo.gl/Jig7qAAfUGPSQe8W8

[WstateU]

… or ya' gotta go poop...

[pinstripers]

Recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night.

The next day, at the Gwinnett County (Georgia) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. "You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around," he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need.

"Guess I was really into it, y'know?" he commented with evident embarrassment. In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Deputy Taylor. "I walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin."

Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence... "I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?"

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said: "A pumpkin? **** ... is it midnight already?"

[WstateU]

How the stimulus package works (should have posted in the politics thread).

It is a slow day in the small Nevada town of Pumphandle, and streets
are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is
living on credit.

A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel,
and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms
upstairs to pick one for the night.

As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs
next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt
to the pig farmer.

The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his
supplier, the Co-op.

The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the
local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to
offer her "services" on credit.

The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner.

The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the
traveler will not suspect anything.

At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the
rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves.

No one produced anything. No one earned anything…….

However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future
with a lot more optimism.

*And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a Stimulus package works*

[AZ Shocker]

Boom!!! That story if only...could be quite...well...stimulating. lol

[WstateU]

[im4wsu]

A guy is driving around Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog For Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there. “You talk?” he asks.
“Yep,” the Lab replies.
“So, what’s your story?”
The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.”
“I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.”
“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.”
“I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
“Ten dollars,” the guy says.
“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on Earth are you selling him so cheap?”
“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that stuff.”

[im4wsu]