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- Tom Fogerty has died. He wakes up and finds himself on a
stage on which a number of instruments are set up. - A door offstage opens and in walk Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Brian Jones, John Lennon, Otis Redding, and Buddy Holly.
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- Each musician picks up his favorite instrument and begins tuning up. All of the instruments are taken but, to Tom's immense pleasure, the drums.
- He walks up to Jimi and says, "Man, so this is what heaven
is like." - Jimi looks at him and says, "Heaven? You think this is heaven?"
- At that moment, Karen Carpenter walks in, takes her seat behind the drums, and calls out, "Okay guys, 'Close to You'. One, two, three, four..."
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- Tom Fogerty has died. He wakes up and finds himself on a
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"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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For us old farts...
"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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Irish Airlines
After being airborne approximately thirty minutes on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service. I don't know how this has happened, but they did not deliver our meals until one minute prior to take-off. We have 103 passengers on board, and, unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience."
When passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 4 hour flight."
Her next announcement came about 2 hours later...
"If anyone would like to change their minds, we still have 40 dinners available"Last edited by Kung Wu; December 17, 2018, 10:04 AM."You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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A researcher arrives in Borneo to gather data for his thesis. Accompanied by his trusty guide, he seeks out a very remote locale for researching the mating behaviour of the giant rat of Sumatra.
Around dusk of the first day, he's sitting by the campfire with his guide when in the distance, he hears tribal drums. They get louder. The guide announces, "I don't like the sound of those drums."
The dusk turns evening. The drums get louder. The guide says, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."
Evening turns to dead of night. The drums get louder and louder, until it is obvious that the drummers must be quite close. The guide says again, "I really don't like the sound of those drums."
Suddenly the drums stop, and a voice from the darkness cries out, "Hey man, he's not our regular drummer!"Last edited by Kung Wu; December 17, 2018, 10:05 AM.Comment
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"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. "Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.
Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."
The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"
Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."
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HOW MEN STARTED WEARING EARRINGS
DID YOU EVER WONDER WHY EARRINGS BECAME SO POPULAR WITH MEN?
A MAN IS AT WORK ONE DAY WHEN HE NOTICES HIS CO-WORKER IS WEARING AN
EARRING.
THE MAN KNOWS HIS CO-WORKER TO BE A NORMALLY CONSERVATIVE FELLOW AND
IS CURIOUS ABOUT HIS SUDDEN CHANGE IN "FASHION SENSE."
THE MAN WALKS UP TO HIM AND SAYS, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE INTO
EARRINGS."
"DON'T MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL, IT'S ONLY AN EARRING," HE REPLIES
SHEEPISHLY.
HIS FRIEND FALLS SILENT FOR A FEW MINUTES, BUT THEN HIS CURIOSITY
PRODS HIM TO ASK, "SO, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WEARING ONE?"
"EVER SINCE MY WIFE FOUND IT IN MY TRUCK."
...I ALWAYS WONDERED HOW THIS TREND GOT STARTED; NOW I KNOW!
"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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For those that cannot see it:
HOW MEN STARTED WEARING EARRINGS
DID YOU EVER WONDER WHY EARRINGS BECAME SO POPULAR WITH MEN?
A MAN IS AT WORK ONE DAY WHEN HE NOTICES HIS CO-WORKER IS WEARING AN
EARRING.
THE MAN KNOWS HIS CO-WORKER TO BE A NORMALLY CONSERVATIVE FELLOW AND
IS CURIOUS ABOUT HIS SUDDEN CHANGE IN "FASHION SENSE."
THE MAN WALKS UP TO HIM AND SAYS, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE INTO
EARRINGS."
"DON'T MAKE SUCH A BIG DEAL, IT'S ONLY AN EARRING," HE REPLIES
SHEEPISHLY.
HIS FRIEND FALLS SILENT FOR A FEW MINUTES, BUT THEN HIS CURIOSITY
PRODS HIM TO ASK, "SO, HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WEARING ONE?"
"EVER SINCE MY WIFE FOUND IT IN MY TRUCK."
...I ALWAYS WONDERED HOW THIS TREND GOT STARTED; NOW I KNOW!
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An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he received a call on his phone.
With a big smile on his face, he ordered drinks for everybody in the bar, and announced his wife had just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody could believe that a newborn baby weighed in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugged, "That's about average up our way, folks ... like I said, my boy's a typical County Clare baby!"
Two weeks later the man returned to the bar. The bartender asked, "Say, aren't you the father of that ‘typical Irish baby’ that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks ... so how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender was puzzled. "What happened? You said he was 25 pounds the day he was born."
The father took a long, slow swig of his Jameson Irish Whisky, wiped his lips on his shirt sleeve, leaned into the bartender and proudly said, "We had him circumcised!"
Comment
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For those who cannot see it:
An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he received a call on his phone.
With a big smile on his face, he ordered drinks for everybody in the bar, and announced his wife had just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
Nobody could believe that a newborn baby weighed in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugged, "That's about average up our way, folks ... like I said, my boy's a typical County Clare baby!"
Two weeks later the man returned to the bar. The bartender asked, "Say, aren't you the father of that ‘typical Irish baby’ that weighed 25 pounds at birth? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks ... so how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answered, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender was puzzled. "What happened? You said he was 25 pounds the day he was born."
The father took a long, slow swig of his Jameson Irish Whisky, wiped his lips on his shirt sleeve, leaned into the bartender and proudly said, "We had him circumcised!"
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A guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30 PM after enjoying a day of golf.
His wife screams her head off while his friend sits at the kitchen table, open mouthed, listening to the tirade.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a ****ing mess and the dishes are still in the sink. I'm completely exhausted! I didn't get enough sleep last night. Can't you see I'm still in my ****ing pajamas? I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the **** did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you stupid asshole?"
The husband replied: "Because he was thinking about getting married."
"I not sure that I've ever been around a more competitive player or young man than Fred VanVleet. I like to win more than 99.9% of the people in this world, but he may top me." -- Gregg Marshall 12/23/13 :peaceful:
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Remember when Nancy Pelosi said about Obamacare:
"We have to pass it, to find out what's in it".
A physician called into a radio show and said:
"That's the definition of a stool sample."Comment
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"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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A young banker decided to get a tailor-made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit.
A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business.
As he was preening himself in front of the mirror he reached down to put his hands in the pockets and to his surprise he noticed that there were no pockets. He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him:
“Didn’t you tell me you were a banker?"
The young man answered: “Yes, I did."
To this the tailor said: “Who ever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"
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They give a couple teens four minutes to figure out how to use a rotary phone.
Kung Wu say, man who read woman like book, prefer braille!Comment
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