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Livin the dream -
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Ain't this the truth...
Jeff Foxworthy has a theory: Laughter is the relief valve that keeps the boiler from exploding.
"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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My wife likes this social distancing but I want to know why I have to stay outside all the time. Seems she is taking this a little too far.Comment
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Funny song. Don't ban me, it's PG-13. But if you're at work, put headphones on.Comment
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"I not sure that I've ever been around a more competitive player or young man than Fred VanVleet. I like to win more than 99.9% of the people in this world, but he may top me." -- Gregg Marshall 12/23/13 :peaceful:
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Remember when Nancy Pelosi said about Obamacare:
"We have to pass it, to find out what's in it".
A physician called into a radio show and said:
"That's the definition of a stool sample."Comment
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Here's the Mrs. telling me "how the cow ate the cabbage"...
"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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An Indian chief and a cavalry captain climb to the top of a tall hill and look out upon the entire Indian tribe.
The captain says worriedly, "I don't like the sound of those drums."
The chief says, "I know. It's not our regular drummer."
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The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
And not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.
"I not sure that I've ever been around a more competitive player or young man than Fred VanVleet. I like to win more than 99.9% of the people in this world, but he may top me." -- Gregg Marshall 12/23/13 :peaceful:
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Remember when Nancy Pelosi said about Obamacare:
"We have to pass it, to find out what's in it".
A physician called into a radio show and said:
"That's the definition of a stool sample."Comment
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My Self-Isolation Quarantine Diary
Day 1 – I Can Do This!! Got enough food and booze to last a month!
Day 2 – Opening my 3rd bottle of scotch. I fear these supplies might not last
Day 3 – Strawberries: Some have 210 seeds, some have 235 seeds. Who Knew??
Day 4 – 8:00pm. Removed my Day Pajamas and put on my Night Pajamas.
Day 5 – Today, I tried to make Hand Sanitizer. It came out as Jello Shots!!
Day 6 – I get to take the Garbage out. I’m So excited, I can’t decide what to wear.
Day 7 – Laughing way too much at my own jokes!!
Day 8 – Went to a new restaurant called “The Kitchen”. Seems you have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have No clue how this place is still in business.
Day 9 – I put liquor bottles in every room. Tonight, I’m getting all dressed up and going Bar hopping.
Day 10 – Struck up a conversation with a Spider today. Seems nice. He’s a Web Designer.
Day 11 – Isolation is hard. I swear my fridge just said, “What the hell do you want now?”
Day 12 – I realized why dogs get so excited about something moving outside, going for walks or car rides. I think I just barked at a squirrel.
Day 13 – Revelation: If you keep a glass of booze in each hand, you can’t accidently touch your face.
Day 14 – Watched the birds fight over a worm. The Cardinals beat the Blue Jays 3–1.
Day 15 – Anybody else feel like they’ve cooked dinner about 395 times this month?
"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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Day 16 - I went to a trampoline park. It was fun until the box springs in my bed broke.Originally posted by WstateU View PostComment
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Stay at home humor....everyday is the same...nothing even matters.
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Day 17 - Day 17, I think. Don't know what I'm supposed to do today BECAUSE I'VE LOST TRACK OF WHAT DAY IT IS.Originally posted by SHOXAAC View PostComment
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Tomorrow is Blursday.Originally posted by JVShocker View PostBe who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. SeussComment
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"I not sure that I've ever been around a more competitive player or young man than Fred VanVleet. I like to win more than 99.9% of the people in this world, but he may top me." -- Gregg Marshall 12/23/13 :peaceful:
---------------------------------------
Remember when Nancy Pelosi said about Obamacare:
"We have to pass it, to find out what's in it".
A physician called into a radio show and said:
"That's the definition of a stool sample."Comment
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