Humor

[RoyalShock]

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "I'll drive. You man the gun."

[WstateU]

Should the Confederate Flag be removed?

I try not to get into political debates, but I'm sure this esteemed forum agrees with me on this important issue...

[ShockdaWorld]

Lmao that his name would be "Cletus Citizen"

[MoValley John]

FB_IMG_1435636425231.jpg

[WstateU]

Should the Confederate Flag be removed?

I try not to get into political debates, but I'm sure this esteemed forum agrees with me on this important issue...

If you are asking if it should be removed from flying at a government location, yes, it should be removed. The confederacy lost 150 years ago. It wasn't even a controversial defeat. They surrendered. The winner gets to fly his flag, not the loser. It's in the rules. Now if ordinary Cletus Citizen wants it on his yard or his house or his truck, he has the right. He may or may not be the recipient of complaints regarding his actions, but he is free to do it.

I was thinking more along the lines of "completely remove the flag" in this instance. :D

[WstateU]

Noting that her husband looked more haggard and disgruntled than usual after his weekly golf game, his wife asked what was wrong.

He answered, "Well, on the fourth hole, Harry had a heart attack and died. It was terrible! The entire rest of the day, it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry!"

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It was a sunny Sunday morning, and Murray was beginning his preshot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker. "Would the gentleman on the ladies' tee please back up to the men's tee."

Murray remained in his routine, seemingly unfazed by the interruption.

A little louder: "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up to the men's tee!"

Murray raised up out of his stance, lowered his driver, and shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?"

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As a couple approaches the altar, the groom tells his wife-to-be, "Honey, I've got something to confess: I'm a golf nut, and every chance I get, I'll be playing golf!"

"Since we're being honest," replies the bride, "I have to tell you that I'm a hooker."

The groom replies, "That's okay, honey. You just need to learn to keep your head down and your left arm straight!"

[WstateU]

Golfer walks into the pro shop at the local course and asks the golf pro if they sell ball markers.

The golf pro says they do, and they are $1.00.

The guy gives the golf pro a dollar.

The golf pro opens the register, puts the dollar in, and hands him a dime to use as the marker.

FYI: This economic model is also used by the U.S. government.

[Kel Varnsen]

Golfer walks into the pro shop at the local course and asks the golf pro if they sell ball markers.

The golf pro says they do, and they are $1.00.

The guy gives the golf pro a dollar.

The golf pro opens the register, puts the dollar in, and hands him a dime to use as the marker.

FYI: This economic model is also used by the U.S. government.

This would be even funnier if the last line weren't so true.

[wusphlash]

Hope no one is offended. Sometimes I can't help myself.

An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as caddies. Whilst walking around the course the Englishman's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground with her skirt over her head, revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers! The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress. "Well darling, " she explained "you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice, usually no one notices." With that the Englishman thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a tenner, go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers.

Two holes further on the Irishman's wife caught her foot on a mole hill, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground with her skirt over her head, revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers either! The Irishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her lack of nether garments. "Well darling," she explained "you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice, usually no one notices."

With that the Irishman thrust his hand into his pocket and said, "Here's a fiver go to Woolworth's and get some knickers."

Three holes further on the Scotsman's wife caught her foot on an exposed root, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground with her skirt over her head, revealing that she too wasn't wearing any knickers! The Scotsman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her inadequacy in the modesty department. "Well darling," she explained, "you give me so little allowance that I have to make the odd sacrifice, usually no one notices."

With that the Scotsman thrust his hand into his pocket and said "Here's a comb, at least you can tidy yourself up a bit!"

[pinstripers]

A lady, playing a round of golf by herself, stumbles into a nest of bumblebees while searching for a wayward ball. She manages to escape with only one bee sting, considers herself lucky, and decides that she should report the incident and the bee colony to a person in authority.

The first person that she stumbles onto happens to be the club pro. She exclaims excitedly, "I've just been stung by a bumblebee!"

"Oh really?" he queries, "where?"

She answers, "about halfway between the first hole and the second hole."

The club pro answers, "Well, madam , I'd have to say that your stance is too wide."

[capnkirk]

A woman slices her tee shot and yells FOUR to warn a man getting ready to play his shot on the next fairway over. The man looks up a little too late and gets hit with the ball in the mid section and doubles over in pain In the fetal position. The woman comes running and announced that she is a doctor and will be glad to help. She start massaging his crotch to ease the pain. She ask the man if that is helping any? He says "it feels good, but my thumb still hurts like hell".....

[WstateU]

Everyone have a safe 4th; I'm heading to the links...


There's a golf course where the parking lot is just to the right of the first fairway. Separating the fairway and lot is the access road to the pro shop.

One day, a ball comes flying off the first tee, hits the rear window of one car and shatters it, ricochets into the windshield of another car and cracks that, then bounces and hits a golfer in the head as he is unloading his clubs. He has to be taken to the hospital.

After surveying the damage, the golf pro asks each golfer as he walks off the ninth green if anyone hit a slice of the first tee. After numerous negative replies, the pro finally finds his culprit. The golfer admits that, yes, indeed, he hit his first tee shot to the right, but it went out-of-bounds, he and the rest of his group didn't bother looking for it.

The pro explains about the two car windows and the golfer in the hospital. By the time he finishes re-creating the scene, the entire foursome is visibly upset, and the golfer who hit the errant shot moans, "Oh, that's terrible. What can I do?"

The pro says, "You should probably try rolling your hands a little to the right to strengthen your grip."

[Shocker85]

Nm

[pinstripers]

Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wassa da treep?"

Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."

"Whatayou mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basketa food. She bringa da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket .
The conductore come aby, wagga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car..'

So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta at open da bottle of a nice a vino!
Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car.
While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar.

The conductore, he waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina indisa car. Musta go to a smokina car..'
"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.

Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car and a go to bed.
We justa about to go make a "badaboom-badabing" and the conductore, he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a voice.......

Nofolka Virginia!
Nofolka Virginia!

"Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus."

[EAGLE]

Sure glad I don't play golf.