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Alright FSF you asked for it so here is a post from 2014. You young ones gather round and let me tell you a story about the man that invented the cross-over dribble back in the early 70's. The original Tyrone Shoelace cross-over was a stab step, rubber neck juke, followed by an explosive cross-over than left the defender with a soiled panty and a severely sprained ankle.
January 13th, 2014, 12:01 AM
I apologize for my long absence, but due to my patented move, the cross-over dribble (which I invented back in the early 70’s) I was no longer able to hustle the local YMCA and school yard ballers. I even shaved my fro and grew a fu Manchu in order to disguise myself, but the first time I busted out the famous cross-over dribble I heard someone from across the gym yell, “It’s Shoelace!!” My cover was blown. So in order to maintain my income stream I had to move on to greener pastures.
Well for now, I am back, and after last night’s game at Mo St, I felt the time was right for me to make a brief stop by the Shockernet. Why you may ask? Well pretty simple. We won last night because of one person, Freddie V. To be more specific, because of his ability to get to the basket in clutch times. What enables him to do so with such great ease? You guessed it, the cross-over dribble (which I invented back in the early 70’s). Now although Freddie V has not yet perfected the stab step, rubber neck juke, explosive cross-over which leaves a defender with a soiled panty and badly sprained ankle, he has achieved a level 6 cross-over which at the NCAA level is pretty good. (Tyrone Shoelace is a level 10+). Nonetheless I wanted to use this forum to reach out to coach Marshall because I can help this team win the National Championship. To do that he needs not just Freddie V, but everyone on the team taking advantage of my patented move. If coach Marshall seeks my instruction I will make myself available to the team, for a nominal fee of course.
I hope Marshall takes advantage of my offer because right now my attorney JJ is in the process of legal proceedings which could result in me, Tyrone Shoelace, being paid a fee for every time someone uses my patented move. If WSU retains my services, I will sign a waiver allowing them unlimited use of the cross-over dribble for a period of 20 years or 20,000 miles (which ever comes first).
I am Tyrone Shoelace and I KNOW basketball. You want me on that bench. YOU NEED ME ON THAT BENCH!!
January 15th, 2014, 02:20 PM
With all the love I am feeling from my bruthas on SN, I feel compelled to come clean on something. Although my story about leaving for greener pastures where I could hustle unsuspecting gym rats and school yard ballers out of a few bucks is true, I did take the liberty of omitting certain things, such as a cheap motel, a bag of burritos, and a towel rack, which might diminish the luster radiating from “The Lace”. I tell you this reluctantly because once the bloom is off the rose, it can never be replaced.
As I went from town to town cleaning up at the local YMCA’s, I was rolling through the wannabes like Cheese Whiz and leaving a trail of destruction. The locker room trash cans were over flowed with soiled panties and ace bandage wrappers. It looked like a war zone and smelled like a retirement home. Inevitably someone would walk in and smell the stench and say “What the heck happened here?” The one word reply was always the same….. “Shoelace!!”.
As some of you know, especially those who have had the pleasure of sitting close to me at a Shocker game, my weakness, my vise, my Kryptonite, is none other than the” miracle fruit” filled tortilla, the flour wrapped nuke, the glorious BEAN BURRITO!!!!! Well after a good day at the “Y”, I had worked up quite an appetite. So with a pocket full of cash I headed to the Taco Shop, and that’s where it all started to go downhill.
I had planned to order just a few, but being a smart shopper I thought, hey why not get the family pack and have some for later? Cheaper by the dozen right? I took my bag of burritos and high tailed it back to my motel, barely getting through the door before I began devouring them, stopping only long enough for an occasional gulp of Dr Pepper to wash it down. Then it hit me, about mid way through burrito number 9. All of the sudden my belly felt like the Hindenburg filled with boiling lava. I screamed “It’s gonna blow!!” and with no time to spare I sprinted for the bathroom and mounted the porcelain pony. Like Mentos in a bottle of Pepsi, I quickly became jet propelled with a thrust that threw me forward slamming my head on the towel rack with every blast. When it was all over I had sustained numerous injuries including several forehead contusions, a mild concussion, whoop lash, and a bad case of hemorrhoids. With these career ending injuries I have been forced into trying to profit from teaching my patented cross-over dribble (which I invented back in the early 70’s) instead of using it to hustle wannabe ballers. Hence my recent return to the Shocker Nation.
January 13th, 2014, 12:01 AM
I apologize for my long absence, but due to my patented move, the cross-over dribble (which I invented back in the early 70’s) I was no longer able to hustle the local YMCA and school yard ballers. I even shaved my fro and grew a fu Manchu in order to disguise myself, but the first time I busted out the famous cross-over dribble I heard someone from across the gym yell, “It’s Shoelace!!” My cover was blown. So in order to maintain my income stream I had to move on to greener pastures.
Well for now, I am back, and after last night’s game at Mo St, I felt the time was right for me to make a brief stop by the Shockernet. Why you may ask? Well pretty simple. We won last night because of one person, Freddie V. To be more specific, because of his ability to get to the basket in clutch times. What enables him to do so with such great ease? You guessed it, the cross-over dribble (which I invented back in the early 70’s). Now although Freddie V has not yet perfected the stab step, rubber neck juke, explosive cross-over which leaves a defender with a soiled panty and badly sprained ankle, he has achieved a level 6 cross-over which at the NCAA level is pretty good. (Tyrone Shoelace is a level 10+). Nonetheless I wanted to use this forum to reach out to coach Marshall because I can help this team win the National Championship. To do that he needs not just Freddie V, but everyone on the team taking advantage of my patented move. If coach Marshall seeks my instruction I will make myself available to the team, for a nominal fee of course.
I hope Marshall takes advantage of my offer because right now my attorney JJ is in the process of legal proceedings which could result in me, Tyrone Shoelace, being paid a fee for every time someone uses my patented move. If WSU retains my services, I will sign a waiver allowing them unlimited use of the cross-over dribble for a period of 20 years or 20,000 miles (which ever comes first).
I am Tyrone Shoelace and I KNOW basketball. You want me on that bench. YOU NEED ME ON THAT BENCH!!
January 15th, 2014, 02:20 PM
With all the love I am feeling from my bruthas on SN, I feel compelled to come clean on something. Although my story about leaving for greener pastures where I could hustle unsuspecting gym rats and school yard ballers out of a few bucks is true, I did take the liberty of omitting certain things, such as a cheap motel, a bag of burritos, and a towel rack, which might diminish the luster radiating from “The Lace”. I tell you this reluctantly because once the bloom is off the rose, it can never be replaced.
As I went from town to town cleaning up at the local YMCA’s, I was rolling through the wannabes like Cheese Whiz and leaving a trail of destruction. The locker room trash cans were over flowed with soiled panties and ace bandage wrappers. It looked like a war zone and smelled like a retirement home. Inevitably someone would walk in and smell the stench and say “What the heck happened here?” The one word reply was always the same….. “Shoelace!!”.
As some of you know, especially those who have had the pleasure of sitting close to me at a Shocker game, my weakness, my vise, my Kryptonite, is none other than the” miracle fruit” filled tortilla, the flour wrapped nuke, the glorious BEAN BURRITO!!!!! Well after a good day at the “Y”, I had worked up quite an appetite. So with a pocket full of cash I headed to the Taco Shop, and that’s where it all started to go downhill.
I had planned to order just a few, but being a smart shopper I thought, hey why not get the family pack and have some for later? Cheaper by the dozen right? I took my bag of burritos and high tailed it back to my motel, barely getting through the door before I began devouring them, stopping only long enough for an occasional gulp of Dr Pepper to wash it down. Then it hit me, about mid way through burrito number 9. All of the sudden my belly felt like the Hindenburg filled with boiling lava. I screamed “It’s gonna blow!!” and with no time to spare I sprinted for the bathroom and mounted the porcelain pony. Like Mentos in a bottle of Pepsi, I quickly became jet propelled with a thrust that threw me forward slamming my head on the towel rack with every blast. When it was all over I had sustained numerous injuries including several forehead contusions, a mild concussion, whoop lash, and a bad case of hemorrhoids. With these career ending injuries I have been forced into trying to profit from teaching my patented cross-over dribble (which I invented back in the early 70’s) instead of using it to hustle wannabe ballers. Hence my recent return to the Shocker Nation.
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