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The Potential Extra-Terrestrial Origins of Wu.
I cannot verify all the following claims, but the story goes as
follows....
Decades ago, an extra-terrestrial craft, pausing at a curious
water planet to take on supplies and graffiti a few wheat fields with
crop circles, was sighted hovering above Sedgwick county, Kansas.
While hovering low, and just as it was dotting the i in a nice piece
of crop art, spelling coincidentally, Wichita, the craft was caught
in a massive downdraft of a passing tornado, and was in peril of
crashing. Their cargo on this trip, a massive hybrid seed bound for a
far corner of the milky way, was weighing the ship down and disaster
was eminent, so a decision was made to jettison the cargo, to save
the ship. As fate would have it, this seed fell directly into the
dotted eye of the crop art, leaving a sizeable crater in the wheat
field. As a few curious farmers gathered to gawk at the crater and
discuss this curious happening, a sprout began emerging from the
crater. Growing at fantastic speed, before the startled men could
mobilize their herbicide sprayers, this amazing growth loosened
itself from the ground, and to the astonishment of all, ran off into a
nearby hedgerow. But this growth was no ordinary weed, as the world
would soon discover! Traveling under the cover of darkness to avoid
detection, this amazing growth, already intelligent beyond all earthly
measure, made his way towards the nearest center of higher learning,
hoping to request asylum from the biology department chair, and as
fate would have it, arrived on campus at Wichita State University.
Though initially apprehensive, the senior faculty of the biology department,
(after consulting, of course, with the anthropology department,) was
finally won over by the charm and charisma of this strange creature
when he played several flawless Mozart violin concertos on a student
violin which had been carelessly forgotten by a music student and left
in the classroom that day. At the end of this exhilarating
performance, those in attendance exclaimed spontaneously in unison,
"Wu....! ", and of course, the name stuck.
But as we know, the W.S.U. faculty can't keep any secret for
long, and soon the dean, and then the president heard the rumors. Not
wanting to be known for harboring a noxious, potentially dangerous
weed on campus, The president immediately ordered a battery of medical
tests to be performed. The results were so astounding, many are still
classified to this day, but leaks can confirm at least this much...
Though this creature's blood runs pitch black, his heart was
determined to be of SOLID GOLD !!! One third plant, (and no
vegetable, I might add), one third animal, (ask any campus coed), and
one third human, beyond all this, he was discovered to have powers not
of this world! One of these powers is the ability to be in many
places, (some potentially dangerous) at seemingly the same time. He
can be seen fraternizing in the student section at Koch Arena one
second, parading the shocker flags in the jungle of the Coleman Hills
in Eck Stadium the next, or hanging out in the R.A.C. and high fiving
hundreds of future shockers all along the way. Though determined to be
potentially extra-terrestrial, it is rumored he sprouted with two extra
testicles. This might explain his courage and stamina, as well as the
Shocker beauties who are always lined up for his famous hugs. Though
amazingly ever tempered, it is well known that he has not much love
for purple cats, or goofy looking birds. And, whenever you hand him a
baseball and bat, his expression turns downright scary. But there is
no malice in the heart of this sprout, and he has become famous around
the world. So famous in fact, that it is believed he has attracted the
attention of The Bill Gates Foundation, who would like to imprison his
amazing genetics in the doomsday caverns of the the Svalbard, Norway
Global Seed Vault. To this date, (unless this information is
classified by Homeland Security), no successful clone of this amazing
organism has ever been successfully produced.
One thing is for sure. The very existence of this incredible
hybrid sprout has confounded the dogmas of the Neo-Darwinists, as they
scramble to try to explain away this truly unique specimen. Neither
uniformitarianism, nor natural selection will ever delineate his
origins. No paleontologist, or anthropologist has ever produced an
answer for the dilemma of "Wuzian Paradox". But I believe that this
proves one thing for certain. We are certainly not alone in this
universe. The very existence of our Wu is indisputable evidence of a
universe of intelligent design. With this said, there is one thing
that we as a species on this planet can do, and that is to strive to
be a lot more like Wu.
:posterwu:
I cannot verify all the following claims, but the story goes as
follows....
Decades ago, an extra-terrestrial craft, pausing at a curious
water planet to take on supplies and graffiti a few wheat fields with
crop circles, was sighted hovering above Sedgwick county, Kansas.
While hovering low, and just as it was dotting the i in a nice piece
of crop art, spelling coincidentally, Wichita, the craft was caught
in a massive downdraft of a passing tornado, and was in peril of
crashing. Their cargo on this trip, a massive hybrid seed bound for a
far corner of the milky way, was weighing the ship down and disaster
was eminent, so a decision was made to jettison the cargo, to save
the ship. As fate would have it, this seed fell directly into the
dotted eye of the crop art, leaving a sizeable crater in the wheat
field. As a few curious farmers gathered to gawk at the crater and
discuss this curious happening, a sprout began emerging from the
crater. Growing at fantastic speed, before the startled men could
mobilize their herbicide sprayers, this amazing growth loosened
itself from the ground, and to the astonishment of all, ran off into a
nearby hedgerow. But this growth was no ordinary weed, as the world
would soon discover! Traveling under the cover of darkness to avoid
detection, this amazing growth, already intelligent beyond all earthly
measure, made his way towards the nearest center of higher learning,
hoping to request asylum from the biology department chair, and as
fate would have it, arrived on campus at Wichita State University.
Though initially apprehensive, the senior faculty of the biology department,
(after consulting, of course, with the anthropology department,) was
finally won over by the charm and charisma of this strange creature
when he played several flawless Mozart violin concertos on a student
violin which had been carelessly forgotten by a music student and left
in the classroom that day. At the end of this exhilarating
performance, those in attendance exclaimed spontaneously in unison,
"Wu....! ", and of course, the name stuck.
But as we know, the W.S.U. faculty can't keep any secret for
long, and soon the dean, and then the president heard the rumors. Not
wanting to be known for harboring a noxious, potentially dangerous
weed on campus, The president immediately ordered a battery of medical
tests to be performed. The results were so astounding, many are still
classified to this day, but leaks can confirm at least this much...
Though this creature's blood runs pitch black, his heart was
determined to be of SOLID GOLD !!! One third plant, (and no
vegetable, I might add), one third animal, (ask any campus coed), and
one third human, beyond all this, he was discovered to have powers not
of this world! One of these powers is the ability to be in many
places, (some potentially dangerous) at seemingly the same time. He
can be seen fraternizing in the student section at Koch Arena one
second, parading the shocker flags in the jungle of the Coleman Hills
in Eck Stadium the next, or hanging out in the R.A.C. and high fiving
hundreds of future shockers all along the way. Though determined to be
potentially extra-terrestrial, it is rumored he sprouted with two extra
testicles. This might explain his courage and stamina, as well as the
Shocker beauties who are always lined up for his famous hugs. Though
amazingly ever tempered, it is well known that he has not much love
for purple cats, or goofy looking birds. And, whenever you hand him a
baseball and bat, his expression turns downright scary. But there is
no malice in the heart of this sprout, and he has become famous around
the world. So famous in fact, that it is believed he has attracted the
attention of The Bill Gates Foundation, who would like to imprison his
amazing genetics in the doomsday caverns of the the Svalbard, Norway
Global Seed Vault. To this date, (unless this information is
classified by Homeland Security), no successful clone of this amazing
organism has ever been successfully produced.
One thing is for sure. The very existence of this incredible
hybrid sprout has confounded the dogmas of the Neo-Darwinists, as they
scramble to try to explain away this truly unique specimen. Neither
uniformitarianism, nor natural selection will ever delineate his
origins. No paleontologist, or anthropologist has ever produced an
answer for the dilemma of "Wuzian Paradox". But I believe that this
proves one thing for certain. We are certainly not alone in this
universe. The very existence of our Wu is indisputable evidence of a
universe of intelligent design. With this said, there is one thing
that we as a species on this planet can do, and that is to strive to
be a lot more like Wu.
:posterwu:
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