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More of “America’s Got Talent”…
Sorry, this is a repeat, however some serious talent...
Sorry, this is a repeat, however some serious talent...
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"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People" -
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"I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but
apparently it just changes the color of the baby.”Comment
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My wife keeps asking me to get a vasectomy, but I informed her that my second wife might want children.Livin the dreamComment
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A man walks into a bar wearing nothing but clear plastic wrap and the bartender says:
I can clearly see you're nuts.For some the glass is half full and for others half empty. My glass is out of ice.
- said no one ever...Comment
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Late again!" the third-grade teacher sternly said to little Ranger.
"It ain't my fault this time, Miss Russell. You can blame this 'un on my Daddy. The reason I'm three hours late is my Daddy sleeps naked!"
Now, Miss Russell had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. Despite her mounting fears, she asked little Ranger what he meant by that. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Ranger and trouble were old friends,...... but he always told her the truth.
"You see, Miss Russell, out at the farm we got this here low down fox. The last few nights, he done ate six hens. Last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his double barreledshot gun and said to my Ma, "That fox is back again... I'm a gonna git him!'' "Stay back," Daddy whispered to all us kids!
"My Daddy was naked as a jaybird -- no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then, he stuck that double-barreled 12-gauge shot gun through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with a fox on his mind, our old hound dog, Rip, had done gone and woke up and comes sneaking up behind Daddy. Then, as we all looked on, plumb helpless, old Rip done went and stuck his cold nose in my Daddy's crack!"
"Miss Russell, we all been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin!"Comment
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A short story about two old fellows discussing dentures.
A couple of old guys were golfing when one mentioned that he was going to go to Dr. Steinberg for a new set of dentures the next morning.
His elderly buddy remarked that he, too, had gone to the very same dentist two years before.
"Is that so?" asked the first old guy. "Did he do a good job?”
The second oldster replied, "Well, I was on the golf course yesterday when a guy on the next fairway hooked a shot. The ball must have been going at least 180 mph when it slammed me right in the testicles.”
The first old guy was confused and asked, "What the heck does that have to do with your dentures?”
"It was the first time in two years my teeth didn't hurt.""You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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If you want a good laugh, read some of these comments...
"Do contestants on Naked and Afraid ever have sex?"
"no. they are dehydrated and have no lube so their poontangs would be dryer than the gobi.
plus, get a little sand in there... ouch."
"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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During the month of June, the snack bar at the Cincinnati Zoo is featuring sloppy joes at half off.Comment
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Yo Mama...
"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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Sorry, should have posted this here the first time; got confused and posted in the EO thread...
Oh crap! Wrong thread!! What the heck, I'll just leave it here... I'm sure "The Donald" would approve.
"You Just Want to Slap The #### Outta Some People"Comment
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I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass
and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little
young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows!
He's like a machine !
I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him .. but they kind of taste like peppermintComment
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At one time, GM had Comment boxes put up in all their dealer's service departments. Within two weeks of the box going up, the following appeared in a local Chevrolet dealer's Comment box.
"When I was young and growing up an a farm, my Dad used to take our young heifers over to see the neighbor's bull to have them serviced. I never understood exactly what that meant until today when I came to your service department".The future's so bright - I gotta wear shades.
We like to cut down nets and get sized for championship rings.Comment
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